Quiet

I have been really quiet since last night. Last night was my first time for crying so hard. I have never cried so much before. Never. No matter how hurt or sad i was last time, i've never cried that much before. But yesterday night was the longest cry ever. I don't even dare to look at myself when i was washing up cause i know my eyes would be super swollen but surprisingly it was... bearable. Not so swollen after all haha. Over exaggeration. hehe 

I've never talked since last night until just now when i Facebook called to talk to the NDC members for the sharing session. Felt good though after talking.. haha although not so much but yeah. I almost teared while sharing my feelings when i first joined NDC but i didn't. I have no idea why but the moment i start thinking bout what happened last night will surely make me tear or feel angry. 

I know it takes time to heal. I don't know if i can fully heal after this. Family and friends are my weak spot. What they did to me is just unbearable. Luckily i have my family and Daniel standing behind me to support me. I fell hard. It was and still is painful but what can i do to lessen the pain? none. The only way i can think of now is to make library my home. My room is just a place for me to change and sleep and that's it. Other than that.. I have no idea what else. From a constantly hungry person is now turning into a person that has no appetite. I know i must eat. But i really have no appetite to eat at all. I know it is unhealthy but yeah. I forced myself to eat just now. I didn't want to stay in the kitchen for too long that made me cook instant noodle. The instant noodle is supposedly to be my favourite meal but just now, i could barely finish it. Barely. I only had a piece of biscuit for my breakfast. LOL. Then can't even finish my lunch. I can feel my tummy grumbling but i just can't eat. No idea why. I am hungry but i don't know what to eat and don't feel like eating anyways. Guess i will just ignore it..

Staying in this library really increased my concentration. Not bad eh. Before this, I've never wanted to go library at all. I was trying my best not to get near it. haha. Imagine that but now, this is the only place i can go. The only place. Of course i have other friends to hang out with but not anytime soon. For now, this is my place! :)

Oh yeah, I'm also going to fly back home on the 5th June! I really can't wait! Already decided hehe. My exam ends on the 4th and I'm flying back on the 5th. imba.. haha Well, my loved ones are waiting for me and i really need a shoulder to lean on. Badly. I'm tired but i have to be strong for now. Yes. :) I can do this shyt! haha 

alright, rest time going to end soon! 




grateful and blessed



mun

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