love smiles, love laughter

I decided to open my Facebook today. Opened my 46 notifications and the first one was 'Today is James Chong's Birthday'. My heart stopped for a second. Yes, today is his birthday. I decided to write him a short letter and sent to him via Facebook messenger. Not sure if he will read it but at least i made an effort. I don't know if he has forgiven me or not but he said before that once we break up, we are no longer friends. It's his 21st birthday and I'm pretty sure he is having fun with his bros. I get to know many friends from DU because of him and obviously it would be awkward for me to get in touch with them now after we broke up right? I am feeling rather sad now cause somehow, deep down inside, i know, i still love him. I am sorry darling for feeling this way for him because we had a rough breakup and we grew so much together since high school. I still need time to get myself together and accept the fact that we are no longer together. My heart hurts now

I am now fully transported back to Malaysia. For the past week, my mind was still sort of stuck in UK, reminiscing my moments with the friends there, the live there and everything. But today, i know why i want to come home so early. Darling, i like the us today. We talked much more than usual and did you realise i am different compared to when i first came back? I have to be honest here. When i came back, i was really still occupied with UK and everything and how i miss being with them and stuff and sort of missing Jon and stuff. == but anyhow, i asked myself, why will i like him? We have nothing in common besides dancing and that's it. He doesn't believe in love, he doesn't believe in marriage, he doesn't want to have kids which is totally opposite to what i want and beliefs. These are already red flag, signals, to show that we can only be friends and nothing more than that. I am sorry that i may not treat you that fairly and treated you pretty coldly sometimes since

Finally, every single thing is done! I feel so darn tired now. Ever since i came back, i've never fully rested before. And hence, i fell sick. Finally i went to see the doctor after for so many years actually.. haha.. Cause usually i eat Panadol and sleep and that's it. But this time seems pretty serious. I still couldn't believe that i shivered so damn hard just now. I walked out from the classroom and i couldn't stop shaking. I scared everyone around me loll. I'm sorry for making you guys worried but i really couldn't help it. I am only feeling o.k. Not fully recovered yet. Hope i can recover really soon cause i have community service project to do. >< 30hours. OMG. Where to go for 30 hours? but we can go to different sites which is reasonable and should be fine. Next week would be really busy cause i will be going out everyday to finish the 30 hours cause other group mates are not going to be around at the end of this month. have to be quick! yeah.. I

I only have a few days left here. In UK. With my friends that i meet here. I feel rather happy and sad at the same time cause i am leaving so soon and i am only getting close with my friends. >< All of them didn't want me to leave. I don't want to leave so soon too and i wasn't supposed to leave this early but because of what happened with my 'dear' flatmates, i had to. It was a spontaneous move to leave so early because i don't want to live under the same roof with them anymore cause it hurts every time when i see them. It really hurts. I can't wait to see my loved ones back in Malaysia but i hanging out with my friends here makes me feel so reluctant to head home. I feel like staying here longer and enjoy my time here, longer. But oh well. Maybe this is just fate or something right? I don't really know. I mean, as annoying as it is, i am going back early because of those flatmates. Now i feel rather stupid but i will come back soon to see my fr