Plans
Life being life, always testing you no matter what. People you love hurts you the most because you care. I care about you and that is why i told you so much but to me it seems like all my 'opinions' are now in trash. I am still pissed. I can forgive you but deep down inside i know i still can't forgive you completely yet. Not so fast. What happened today was just, too much. I have never cried so much in any of my previous relationships before. Never. This is my first time. I guess there's always a first huh? and you have to be the first one to do that. Why? I am happy being with you but you make me sad and angry at the same time. The reason i chose to be with you its because i want to be with someone who is more matured than i am but after what happened today, i don't know if i have made the right decision. Are you going to make me regret my choice?
I have said so much. So damn much. But it is all up to you now. I can't even say the word "i love you" after saying goodnight because i just couldn't. i want to forget what happened just now but you hurt me. it hurts. They have hurt me enough and i am still recovering and now you gave me another cut. I have no idea why i could be so patient with you. I really don't know how. You are sometimes so damn stubborn that i would just give up trying. We are only dating and it is already like that, our future seems to be very blur now. I am confused. You are making me confused with myself. I don't know if it is my fault for being too hard on you or what. I think i am just being too hard on you because of my own expectations of guys. I just want someone who can stand on his own feet. You are already 24. You have 6 more years before reaching 30. That is not a long time. I really don't understand why you want to be your own boss now without any experience at all. Your university experience can't prepare you to be your own boss in the real world yet. You have to at least work for someone before coming out to be your own boss. Gain experiences, see how they work, find out problems from their system and make that as a reminder not to do it when you have your own company. I was seriously angry when you said you want freedom all the way. As i said, find someone who had freedom all the way after graduation. Just name me someone. You can't get anything you want without sacrifice. Nothing in this world is the same as what you read in the books or in the seminars. What you read, what you learned from those things are just a reference to equip you say if you encounter about the same problem. I said about is because you can never face the exact problem they met because everyone is different. Every single problem that everyone faces is different. May be about the same but never the same. I thought you are street smart but from what i am seeing now, you are doing what is written in the books. I have a lot more to say but i really don't want to repeat anymore. What I've said earlier, that's all.
I still can't believe you said i guilt trap you. I can't believe you said that and i still believe that what i have said earlier on has all gone into the trash. That is what is stopping me from forgiving you just yet. I can't get back to you as how i was before yet. i am still not ready. This is too much Daniel. Call me selfish or whatever you want but i am hurt. I need time to cool off. I need it. We can still talk but i won't be that Emily you know yet. Not yet. And stop asking me to forgive you cause i will forgive you when i am ready but just not now. I am tired. From now on, plan your own things, you don't need to ask for my opinions. Whatever decisions you want to make, do it. You don't need permissions from anyone. It is your own path. But once you chose the path, don't be a coward and back out last minute or when you can't accomplish the goal. I don't want to be with a coward.
That's all from me.
goodnight
mun
I have said so much. So damn much. But it is all up to you now. I can't even say the word "i love you" after saying goodnight because i just couldn't. i want to forget what happened just now but you hurt me. it hurts. They have hurt me enough and i am still recovering and now you gave me another cut. I have no idea why i could be so patient with you. I really don't know how. You are sometimes so damn stubborn that i would just give up trying. We are only dating and it is already like that, our future seems to be very blur now. I am confused. You are making me confused with myself. I don't know if it is my fault for being too hard on you or what. I think i am just being too hard on you because of my own expectations of guys. I just want someone who can stand on his own feet. You are already 24. You have 6 more years before reaching 30. That is not a long time. I really don't understand why you want to be your own boss now without any experience at all. Your university experience can't prepare you to be your own boss in the real world yet. You have to at least work for someone before coming out to be your own boss. Gain experiences, see how they work, find out problems from their system and make that as a reminder not to do it when you have your own company. I was seriously angry when you said you want freedom all the way. As i said, find someone who had freedom all the way after graduation. Just name me someone. You can't get anything you want without sacrifice. Nothing in this world is the same as what you read in the books or in the seminars. What you read, what you learned from those things are just a reference to equip you say if you encounter about the same problem. I said about is because you can never face the exact problem they met because everyone is different. Every single problem that everyone faces is different. May be about the same but never the same. I thought you are street smart but from what i am seeing now, you are doing what is written in the books. I have a lot more to say but i really don't want to repeat anymore. What I've said earlier, that's all.
I still can't believe you said i guilt trap you. I can't believe you said that and i still believe that what i have said earlier on has all gone into the trash. That is what is stopping me from forgiving you just yet. I can't get back to you as how i was before yet. i am still not ready. This is too much Daniel. Call me selfish or whatever you want but i am hurt. I need time to cool off. I need it. We can still talk but i won't be that Emily you know yet. Not yet. And stop asking me to forgive you cause i will forgive you when i am ready but just not now. I am tired. From now on, plan your own things, you don't need to ask for my opinions. Whatever decisions you want to make, do it. You don't need permissions from anyone. It is your own path. But once you chose the path, don't be a coward and back out last minute or when you can't accomplish the goal. I don't want to be with a coward.
That's all from me.
goodnight
mun
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