Fate
I finished my read, "Love Shack', it's an innocent book alright, not some Fifty Shades of Grey type of book. Though the 2nd and 3rd book of it became a normal romantic novel but oh well. Not going to go into that. Anyways, so after reading this book made me realized even more that everything happened for a reason. The reason why you just can't purchase that particular house that is so damn perfect in your eyes. There are always things that will challenge your love and it is up to you to realise it or not. But, still, it is up to fate. I never realised i liked Dan during my first year. Though we flirted but we didn't think much about it. And who knows, bam, 2nd semester, we got together. Things happened pretty quickly but everyone's love story is different. You can't expect your love story to be like the ones in the movies which is over exaggerated and made the girls' set their level of romance so damn high that can never be reached by normal guys.
I love reading romantic novels because it makes me feel the love and they are realistic. The ones i read are pretty realistic. haha. I don't label myself as a very romantic person, actually, i am very far from that. I just couldn't express my love well. Yes, i know love can be expressed in many ways and everyone's different. I guess i can't really figure out what's mine.. haha.
Okay, stop bout the talk on love. Not an expert.. haha..
After finished reading the novel, and i saw Dan's post on instagram bout the 4 books he read. Tipping point, Blink, Outliers and What the dog saw. Yes, we should believe in our guts, because that's the first thought that came into our heads before our minds start interpreting the thoughts. It's our minds that trick us to choose the safer paths. That brings me to another thing i want to talk bout is what happened this afternoon. I had a chat with my mom and she asked bout le bf. I told her his plans and everything. I believe in his guts, i believe in him. But my mom plays a big role in my life and thus, her words made me doubt my decision, my belief. I felt so uncomfortable after talking to her bout him. Then i brought it up to him cause i couldn't concentrate on what i was reading at all. *that stupid thick textbook i carried up and down is of no use at all* anyways, yeah, so we discussed bout his plans for a full 2 hours. Didn't even realise it until he told me.
My life was never stable ever since I moved to KL. Been ups and downs, when i say downs, it was near hell, or in it. I was 16 when i first moved here and days after that was never near OK. Never. I remember crying in the morning before my first exam. I was hugging my dog Mark in the room crying, asking myself why am i in this situation. It is true that people will only question God when they are in challenging situations and will never question him when things are going well. It was painful. After the exam, i fell sick. I was weak, internally. Days then were so hard to pass. Stability, is a word, a feeling that i can never have i guess.
That is why i felt rather insecure when Dan decided to pursue something else. Something that is out of the original plan that everyone planned in their lives. Study, graduate, find a job, get a partner, get marry, have kids and retire. Well, it's pretty simple isn't it? Nope. Who says life is ever easy? Well, when i first knew him, i know he is different. I only saw my side of story, my dad has been doing different things, numerous things in his life and that is why we never had a stable life and that is why i want to choose the safe path instead, work for a company, have a position, stable income and that's it. But Dan, told me his side of story where his dad has no time for his family, no time for himself, ridiculously selfish boss, and he works too hard for his stable income. Being your own boss has its ups and downs, my parents has been their own bosses since i don't know when. My dad would be in his early thirties and my mom will be during her early twenties. Believe it or not, she has never worked for anyone before. Anyone except my grandfather and that's it. After that was her and herself. Then she stopped working during her early thirties too cause my dad made her promised to not work once he has the ability to earn enough to support the family. I don't know if that is romantic or what because from what i heard from my mom, it was more of him taking it as a challenge than being romantic LOL. Cause before he 'woke up' he was a gambler and a drunkard. I really don't know how my mom endured those harsh moments. I still have flashbacks of those moments. I had a challenging childhood. Challenging i mean, like breaking hard rocks into sand with your bare hands. Dad was never at home, mom was the only one working to support the family and he freaking used the money to gamble to drink until he 'left' his car in the drain and somehow managed to get home in one piece. I salute him for that. Seriously. My mom had to clear his shyts up every single time until there was once i couldn't take it any longer that i shouted at him that 'This is not your money! Mom earned them!" I really had balls of steel. I had no idea why i could do it but after i said it, he was going to beat me with something i couldn't remember but i know i fell to the floor trying to cover up myself. Dramatic eh? Welcome to my life. LOL. Okay, this is all bit too much of information bout my past. But yeah. I had rough moments. Everyone has but this is my side of story. Where i came from.
I am glad that things are way better now. Though old habit is so darn hard to change but i can see my dad is gradually changing. I am glad for that. That is why my mom is my idol because she had the choice to leave him. She is more than capable of raising us without him at all. But she didn't because she doesn't want us to grow up without a father. I always question her decision when things get hard but who can change the past right? Her sacrifice is far too great and that is why whatever she says or asks me to do now, my only answer, yes. I cannot bear to see her sulk anymore. I don't want her to worry bout me anymore. I am 21 and i am capable of handling my own shyts and making her worry is the last thing i would do, no, i meant, will not be an option. mmhmm.
I have no idea why i will spill all these old memories here but it's a private blog anyways. I wrote too much to delete them anyways. Oh well.
So yeah, darling, i hope you will understand why i was feeling insecure. But after you've told me bout your guts and everything, i get you. I will support you no matter what. I guess, that gene came from my mom. LOL. She told me that it is my decision to choose to be with whoever i want. I understand why she was questioning bout your decision, it's because she doesn't want her daughter to be in her shoes but you assured me that you are different and i believe in you. I hope this will at least give you a slight motivation to work and achieve your goal. I am happy to see that you are happier now and you have been waking up early and been sleeping well.
Okay, i should really sleep now.. haha.. feeling pretty tired and don't know what else to write.. haha
goodnight :)
grateful and blessed
mun
I love reading romantic novels because it makes me feel the love and they are realistic. The ones i read are pretty realistic. haha. I don't label myself as a very romantic person, actually, i am very far from that. I just couldn't express my love well. Yes, i know love can be expressed in many ways and everyone's different. I guess i can't really figure out what's mine.. haha.
Okay, stop bout the talk on love. Not an expert.. haha..
After finished reading the novel, and i saw Dan's post on instagram bout the 4 books he read. Tipping point, Blink, Outliers and What the dog saw. Yes, we should believe in our guts, because that's the first thought that came into our heads before our minds start interpreting the thoughts. It's our minds that trick us to choose the safer paths. That brings me to another thing i want to talk bout is what happened this afternoon. I had a chat with my mom and she asked bout le bf. I told her his plans and everything. I believe in his guts, i believe in him. But my mom plays a big role in my life and thus, her words made me doubt my decision, my belief. I felt so uncomfortable after talking to her bout him. Then i brought it up to him cause i couldn't concentrate on what i was reading at all. *that stupid thick textbook i carried up and down is of no use at all* anyways, yeah, so we discussed bout his plans for a full 2 hours. Didn't even realise it until he told me.
My life was never stable ever since I moved to KL. Been ups and downs, when i say downs, it was near hell, or in it. I was 16 when i first moved here and days after that was never near OK. Never. I remember crying in the morning before my first exam. I was hugging my dog Mark in the room crying, asking myself why am i in this situation. It is true that people will only question God when they are in challenging situations and will never question him when things are going well. It was painful. After the exam, i fell sick. I was weak, internally. Days then were so hard to pass. Stability, is a word, a feeling that i can never have i guess.
That is why i felt rather insecure when Dan decided to pursue something else. Something that is out of the original plan that everyone planned in their lives. Study, graduate, find a job, get a partner, get marry, have kids and retire. Well, it's pretty simple isn't it? Nope. Who says life is ever easy? Well, when i first knew him, i know he is different. I only saw my side of story, my dad has been doing different things, numerous things in his life and that is why we never had a stable life and that is why i want to choose the safe path instead, work for a company, have a position, stable income and that's it. But Dan, told me his side of story where his dad has no time for his family, no time for himself, ridiculously selfish boss, and he works too hard for his stable income. Being your own boss has its ups and downs, my parents has been their own bosses since i don't know when. My dad would be in his early thirties and my mom will be during her early twenties. Believe it or not, she has never worked for anyone before. Anyone except my grandfather and that's it. After that was her and herself. Then she stopped working during her early thirties too cause my dad made her promised to not work once he has the ability to earn enough to support the family. I don't know if that is romantic or what because from what i heard from my mom, it was more of him taking it as a challenge than being romantic LOL. Cause before he 'woke up' he was a gambler and a drunkard. I really don't know how my mom endured those harsh moments. I still have flashbacks of those moments. I had a challenging childhood. Challenging i mean, like breaking hard rocks into sand with your bare hands. Dad was never at home, mom was the only one working to support the family and he freaking used the money to gamble to drink until he 'left' his car in the drain and somehow managed to get home in one piece. I salute him for that. Seriously. My mom had to clear his shyts up every single time until there was once i couldn't take it any longer that i shouted at him that 'This is not your money! Mom earned them!" I really had balls of steel. I had no idea why i could do it but after i said it, he was going to beat me with something i couldn't remember but i know i fell to the floor trying to cover up myself. Dramatic eh? Welcome to my life. LOL. Okay, this is all bit too much of information bout my past. But yeah. I had rough moments. Everyone has but this is my side of story. Where i came from.
I am glad that things are way better now. Though old habit is so darn hard to change but i can see my dad is gradually changing. I am glad for that. That is why my mom is my idol because she had the choice to leave him. She is more than capable of raising us without him at all. But she didn't because she doesn't want us to grow up without a father. I always question her decision when things get hard but who can change the past right? Her sacrifice is far too great and that is why whatever she says or asks me to do now, my only answer, yes. I cannot bear to see her sulk anymore. I don't want her to worry bout me anymore. I am 21 and i am capable of handling my own shyts and making her worry is the last thing i would do, no, i meant, will not be an option. mmhmm.
I have no idea why i will spill all these old memories here but it's a private blog anyways. I wrote too much to delete them anyways. Oh well.
So yeah, darling, i hope you will understand why i was feeling insecure. But after you've told me bout your guts and everything, i get you. I will support you no matter what. I guess, that gene came from my mom. LOL. She told me that it is my decision to choose to be with whoever i want. I understand why she was questioning bout your decision, it's because she doesn't want her daughter to be in her shoes but you assured me that you are different and i believe in you. I hope this will at least give you a slight motivation to work and achieve your goal. I am happy to see that you are happier now and you have been waking up early and been sleeping well.
Okay, i should really sleep now.. haha.. feeling pretty tired and don't know what else to write.. haha
goodnight :)
grateful and blessed
mun
baby.... BIG HUGSSSSSS
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