How i wish

How i wish things would be easier
How i wish things would go better
How i wish i was stronger
How i wish i tried harder
How i wish you were here
To lend me your shoulder


Darling, it's so hard without you being here. Not having a family member to talk to.. it was my first time holding back my tears for so long that when i reached home i no longer want to cry anymore. It's buried deep inside my heart already that when i try to dig it out, it won't come out.. I wanted to drink my heart out, i want to cry my heart out, i want to scream my heart out but I can't.

I know i must be stronger. I know i can do this. I know i can.. but when i see them going out together without me just hits me. I feel the pang in my heart. It hurts, badly. I tried to push the emotions away as i know they are going to make me weak but i couldn't resist it. I really couldn't. Sitting alone in the library, eating alone during lunch and dinner. Well, i could now say, every single meal i had for the past 1 week, i ate alone. I never imagined that i would have to eat alone for every single meal before, for this long period. Yes, it's me that is avoiding them but i just can't face them. Every single time when i see them all together, i feel the pain. I know I'm being childish and stupid for holding this on but friends and family are my weak spot. It's harder for me to let go when it comes to them.. I'm sorry that i have to repeat this over and over again but i just have to type this out. Blog is my best friend now. I have no one to talk to, i only have this to express my feelings and get myself back up. This is the only way to go through my day..

I want to go for a walk tomorrow in the city. Alone. I need sometime off.. yeah.. Maybe ask someone to have lunch/dinner with me. Depending when i will be going city. mhmm.

Tomorrow morning, i can go to the city in the morning until lunch then come home or go straight to library.. hmm. Sounds like a plan. I plan to splurge in Primark haha. I need pants! I will be getting pants from somewhere.. H&M is alright. How bout online shopping in F21?? haha! And Primark tomorrow? LOL. Let's see if can get anything from F21.

alright, gonna check it out then sleep d..



grateful and blessed



mun

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