Another side

I have been thinking a lot. I have been watching TED videos on relationships and love- trying to understand more about them. Maybe i don't understand the real meaning of love and relationship. Every relationship has 2 elements. You want predictability yet, you deem for surprises. You want security yet you crave freedom. And many more. They just butt heads. So in a relationship should know when to give surprise and when to be predictable. The effort to make a relationship last is not easy. 

Next, desire. Desire can be said as a poison to a relationship. Well, depends. People will crave for more, forever more. That is when desire comes in. Why does infidelity happen even in a happy relationship? That's desire. You know it is wrong to cheat, but deep inside you want to be with someone else that you cannot be with. Strange huh? But that's how desire plays with ourselves. 

The therapist (Esther Perel) said to a troubled married couple, forgo your first marriage. Do you want a 2nd marriage with each other? Means, it is possible to actually rekindle the love. I am sorry being so cold but just now, when you asked me for dinner, something just hit me, I can feel like the weight has been lifted off from my head. I no longer want to think so much anymore. I was angry, i was sad, i was disappointed and had a lot of dark feelings about our relationship. However, it is also up to me if i want to end this and not give it a chance anymore or, give it a try and see what happens next. If it, *touch wood* fails, then i have a reason to tell myself, I've tried. 

Esther said, she made a research on couples and asked when are you most turned on by your partner? There are 3 groups. 1st group, "when she is away, when we touch after a long separation". The 2nd group, "when he is in the studio, when she is on stage". The 3rd group "when he surprised me". For me, i am belong in the 2nd group where i see my man, doing his stuff, full of confidence and self-assurance.  

You surely understand why i was being so upset. I had to get over my own mindset and trying to tell myself that everything is going to be okay. I know everything will eventually be okay but when? How long do i have to wait? 

I realized that no relationship is at all perfect. None i would say. Some would be racial issue, some would be family issue and us.. well, you know what. I am glad that our issue can be solved and it is up to you to want to solve it or let it continue to grow. Not that i am putting stress on you but yeah, i am putting stress on you. A man is most charming when he is full of stress. A woman is most radiant when she has enough sleep. Seems like double standard eh? haha. Well, i sort of agree with it as man will only grow when he is constantly learning and upgrading from the stresses he has. Woman, needs sleep to stay radiant. But there's an argument to it. Normally, when someone is stressful from work and family, it shows from the body language and face expression. The person will always look tired and worried and stress. However. it is up to you to how to handle the stress. I can assure you that you don't have to stress about our relationship or family. Now just focus on what you should do. Remember, your decisions affect people around you. You are the only child but you are no longer single. Okay?

I can finally say it, I love you

Can't wait for tomorrow's dinner! 

:) 

mun