questioning fulfilment

 now, what is fulfilment. As a recruitment consultant, there are times that I will be speaking to high potential, tier A candidates, management consultants earning really , really big bucks and at times, I would question my own capabilities where, can I do that too? What is the sacrifice needed to do what they do, but firstly, am I intelligent enough to be interviewed and actually being hired, before that, can I even secure myself an interview with them. Only a handful of management consultants that I see stays more than 3 years. Most of them I see, would only stay for a year of 2 before jumping to another organisation. I have spoken to these candidates and some would say the culture, nothing bad, just that there is no sense of togetherness because everyone works on different projects. You may be batch mates, but you barely keep in touch with each other because of the different projects that you're placed in. Some candidates thrives in these environment. Some, may not love it but endures it long enough to garner some experiences before moving out. I would say that's a smart move cause by then , financially , you would've earned more than your peers and your next increment, you can demand for more because of where you were, management consulting firms. There are mixed views on this like any topics out there right. 

For me , personally, why I want to join is to prove to myself that I can do it too, cause I have never seen myself to be "intelligent" enough to be at that level. Sometimes I do find myself intimidated speaking to these candidates when they are nice people, perhaps may sometimes feel borderline being judged on how I speak and etc but most likely that's just me. I don't think they would even think of the conversation they had after the call has ended. Now, I have always been toying with this idea but never actually made myself to apply to these places. I can't cause even from my academic standpoint, my university is not there, is not in their "list" of Ivy League universities out there. I think it's normal to have a certain level or degree of confidence before you pursue something right. So for me, I would want to have a Masters / Degree from an Ivy League university before putting myself out there to apply to these MBB consulting firms. Cause with what I have now, I am no one to apply to them to be honest. They won't even look at my CV lol. I know people would say , never say never. But we have to be realistic as well in this case. Or I really am just not confident in pursuing this dream. Perhaps I am also trying to prove myself to the people around me that , look, I am a management consultant earning big bucks. Perhaps people will look at me differently. It's that judgement worth it? Does it align with my life goal? I know if I really do want to pursue this, I have many things that I will have to let go. My yoga time, work life balance and etc. Is it worth it? 

Would starting my own business give me that sense of fulfilment? Maybe when I do own a business, I will be judged equally the same as if I am a management consultant but in fact better cause I am my own boss, perhaps would earn more too, most probably will until it has reached a certain level of stability or probably not. Again, this is drilled down to the dollar and cents. So i think , after writing this out, seems like my priority is the amount that i earn and human's judgement. Means, as long as I am able to earn at a certain level where I can be really comfortable is when I can let go of the management consulting idea? I think , very obvious that I envy what they earn, not what they do. lol. That seems sad actually. Maybe now that i have sort of identified the trigger point here, I should seriously think of the business that we are supposed to start already cause we do have the products, the planning seems to be always falling in the cracks but as simple as getting the brand name is so tough omg.. 

How did people come up with the brand name seriously??? Can someone please give some pointers on how people do it? gosh.. I should seriously, seriously think about the brand name already.. 

alrighty, i am definitely feeling much better now after writing all these out of my chest as what writing always does to me haha. 

always grateful and blessed 

mun