love smiles, love laughter

I don't really know what does double standard means until last night. I went to dance with Jon and friends then we went over to my place to grab some stuffs. When we left after that, Rachel messaged me saying that shouldn't i inform the group that i am going to bring friends over cause she was about to go for a shower until she heard a guy's voice and she was wrapped in towel. I was like, they are only there for awhile and they were in my room. Like seriously? Clearly you weren't here when he came over for lunch or something. Well i didn't inform the group that i am going to bring friends over before and why now? And the thing is, after i explained myself, she said i don't understand her point and she was like, you know what, it's fine. We are leaving anyways and it won't happen again. I was like wtf? Clearly we are leaving in a few days and if we still have a few months here, telling me to inform the group is fine with me but now? Even you said it doesn...

Let bygone be bygone. I believe in that. But do they? They still leave me out. Still, out. We took the same paper today but they decided to leave me out. They went out and didn't bother to ask if i would want to join them. But i guess they probably assumed that i was already out or assumed that i don't want to join them anymore or assumed that i found a new group of people to hang out with. I mean come on. You said you forgive and forget but you are doing the totally opposite of it. Don't promise or say something when you don't mean it. I said i realised my mistakes and i apologised and you said i wasn't sincere enough. You made me doubt the real meaning of sincerity. Seriously? I told my friend and he said that they are being really childish about this and come on, all for a blog? Isn't it bit too much? Come to think of it, yes it is really stupid. Overreacting, hormones imbalance perhaps? Well, that explains! I mean, why are you guys being so vengeful and hate...

I am in love in TED talks now. I have a new goal for myself, a new quote, a new passion. "I am passionate about learning new things everyday and make life a little more interesting " That is why, instead of watching silly youtube videos, TED videos will be my first choice. I can find so many, seriously vast of choices for me to choose, i can choose which video to watch, i am able to let the app to surprise me with videos that suits my preference and within the time i set. Pretty cool isn't it? I find it really fascinating. Well, I'm sure you are wondering why out of the blue i would start watching TED videos. Well, it was because of one article on how to make yourself smarter. There are a few tips i remembered: First, would definitely be watching TED talks as it brings you vast of knowledge, teaches you things that you have never heard before in your life, inspire you to be someone greater than you are now, today. Secondly, meditate everyday before you start ...

Time flies-cliche. Oh well. 2 papers down and 4 more to go. Very very fast. I am studying for the first 3 papers for now until the 29th then it would be Insurance, the last paper. I am flying home on the 6th. I hope i have the time to pack! haha. I actually cannot wait to fly back soon! Really excited! I miss my family, i miss my love. <3. Time waits for no man. That is really true and i want you to know that no matter what decision you make when your mind is cleared, i will support you. Whatever it is, i just want you to treasure your time doing things that you are passionate about. I want you to focus on a goal that you have decided. Really, i respect and will support every decision you make. Remember, this is your path. Just remember one thing, focus. That's all. Think less on your emotions. Stop thinking too much. Stop doubting yourself. You can do anything you want. Trust me. I have good eyes and i believe my instincts. You will have many barriers to go through life, yo...

I made mistakes. HUGE mistakes i did in the exam. I re-checked my answers to the notes. I made a lot of mistakes. ALOT of them. I can feel my heart aching so much now. It is so hurtful. First time after exam, i feel so painful about the exam. The paper was EASY. I can so score it! I made silly mistakes. Really really silly mistakes. I hate myself now. I feel really sad. From this paper i get it, it is not how much you study. It is how much you focus on the details. I wasn't looking so much at the details. I just glimpsed through. Luckily this is the first paper and it woke me up. Hope this paper will not go too badly.. I have 5 more papers to "save" me, i guess..? I have to focus on details.. Details. Not only in exams, i have to be more sensitive to things surrounding me. I have never been sensitive enough to things. Like, never sensitive enough that what i said might hurt people, well i learned that now after that incident.. But now, i have to focus on details, small ...

Love is a strong word. Love is a harsh word. It makes you feel like the happiest person alive and also cuts you so deep,so painful that you feel like you are at the verge of dying. I am probably exaggerated abit but that is how i feel. Love makes you look at a person differently. Eyes don't lie. It is true that eyes are the windows of the soul. We Skyped this morning and at first, it felt a little awkward. I am sure you felt that too right? I couldn't look at you in the eye. I couldn't. I thought i could but I was wrong. We had nothing to talk about. That was a first. During shower, I was thinking, why am i making myself even more painful? Just let go. I want to! But i know deep inside, i can't let go just yet. I need him to know that i am serious bout the pain and it is not easy. I want to give in so badly. I want to say I love you before you go to bed. I want to say i miss you so much. I miss being close to you. I want to say so many things but my brain stopped me...

Life being life, always testing you no matter what. People you love hurts you the most because you care. I care about you and that is why i told you so much but to me it seems like all my 'opinions' are now in trash. I am still pissed. I can forgive you but deep down inside i know i still can't forgive you completely yet. Not so fast. What happened today was just, too much. I have never cried so much in any of my previous relationships before. Never. This is my first time. I guess there's always a first huh? and you have to be the first one to do that. Why? I am happy being with you but you make me sad and angry at the same time. The reason i chose to be with you its because i want to be with someone who is more matured than i am but after what happened today, i don't know if i have made the right decision. Are you going to make me regret my choice? I have said so much. So damn much. But it is all up to you now. I can't even say the word "i love you"...